Getting closer.

Just waiting. Waiting for something to do. Waiting for Steady to come back from Europe. Waiting for September 1st. Waiting for great news about lots of things. Wishful. Hopeful. Scared. Stressed. Focus on today. Maybe tomorrow, but not much further. What does everyone say? "Live in the Moment"? Isn't the easiest idea but it helps some have hope. Deep breaths. Thats what I have to do. Dont "count my chickens" and what not. Smile. Keep busy. We'll see.

Too long.

Its 5 days since Steady left, and I couldn't miss him more. I hate that I can't just call him up to shoot the breeze or just hear his voice.  He'll be back next week, thankfully, and I just cant wait! I've been trying to do things to keep myself busy. I joined a gym. I picked up a new book, which I finished in a day. I rearranged my room just a little. But none of it makes me stop missing him. I suppose that some time apart can be a good thing and that seeing each other again in the flesh will be wonderful. This whole experience kinda makes me never want to use instant messaging again though. Hearing his voice had become a daily thing for me. Hugging, kissing, cuddling is a weekly thing. I haven't been able to do any of it since last Sunday. It doesn't sit well with me.

I actually never thought I would be like this in a relationship but I guess everything changes when you find a wonderful person to spend your time with.

2 weeks.

Welp. Steady is gone. He left last night on a red-eye flight to Europe. Lucky dog. I didn't think it would be so hard to know hes so far away. I started to cry on the phone last night but tried to make sure that he didn't know. And of course last night I had a nightmare featuring him. In the dream I did something completely out of character and it was truly horrible. I know I would never do such a thing in real life on the sole reason that I know it would break his heart. Which, in turn, would break mine. But now, all I want to do is talk to him. Tell him my dream, just hear his voice. Hug him, kiss him...

Just 12 days left.

The next two weeks...

About 5 minutes ago, Steady left my apartment. That is the last time that I'll see him for two weeks. He kept repeating "It's only two weeks." But when you have someone that is your go to when life gives you trouble or joy, and is the person that you love, it's a little hard to just say goodbye. Even if its just for two weeks.

I plan to keep myself ultra busy at work and at home. I just bought a new book Water for Elephants and I'm hoping that will distract me for a long time. In about a week, Amiga will be back in the states and we'll hopefully get together to find an apartment. I kick myself now for not applying to a great apartment right off of Harvard Ave. It was a split but the bedrooms were so large that it didn't even matter. The downfall was the kitchen. I need a good kitchen. But anyway. Hopefully by the time steady returns I will have a new apartment.

For now, its time for bed. And I will worry about tomorrow, tomorrow.

Learing

I am trying so hard to do well at this new job. And funny enough, as I wrote that sentance the woman in HR that I interviewed with asked how I was doing with the work and she ended up saying that I was great and am doing really well. I'm really hoping that these are all good signs. SO we'll see how it goes but I'm still wishing for good things to happen here.

....Inspiration.