I has taken me a while but I think I have the friends that I've always wished for. Though we are not close to each other in location, I know we will always have someone there when it is needed. My friends need to know, that I am always able to listen and hopefully comfort them when they are down. Being there for the ones I love is a number one priority to me.

I've gone through years of fair-weathered friends, and I seem to be the one being the expendable one. I know now that the friends I have now and the ones that I will gain in the future are true. It's funny to think that all the years of turbulence and heartache I have gone through made me a better person and that I am now thankful for them. I must admit that I am still a bit bitter about the friends that I have lost, I know that it wasn't meant to be. The love I feel from my friends makes me ready for anything.

And I can't wait to see what comes next.

Lazy day.

It's nice, but lazy. Which I don't always like.

Went to work on my flats for my portfolio but couldn't find what I needed. So I tried to tear all my untouched fashion stuff to try and find what I needed and couldn't.

Also craving my emergency brownies that I have hidden away so I wont just make them any old time. And thankfully I'm resisting. Especially since I'm going to pick up some yummy Finale desserts tomorrow night. Let's not over do it, right?

SO... list it up!
Still need to finish my portfolio.
Need to start taking more pictures.
Need to start making clothes... to wear... not just to photograph.

Spring is just around the corner.

I'm excited!

"This instant is the only time there is."

Fortune cookies sometimes know exactly what to say.

Wanting.

I dream of being happy. With whatever I do; I want to create. I miss my fashion production life. Moving on to culinary sometime feels like I'm betraying what I already know. I have and will always have a yearning to learn. I can't help it. There are so many things I want to do and be apart of. Fashion. Food. The world. I don't want to waste my time here. I want to look back at my twenties and be happy with what I did.

Creating. Making others happy. Making myself happy.

It makes my insides curl around each other and I feel like it could just pour out of me at any moment. Which it usually does... in the form of tears. Sometimes I feel like I will go nowhere but that would only be my own fault.

I need a plan.

Quick post while the filling bubbles away.

So, I decided to take my first culinary leap and bake a bread. An Apricot and Apple Braided Danish to be exact! Its a two dayer...

Today, I got all the ingredients and started to make the bread. Taking all the necessary percautions that the recipe tells me but I decided to double the recipe... and messed up. Whoops! Since its a bread, YEAST is a pretty important thing and guess what. On my first batch, I didn't add enough. So on take two, which I could practically do with my eyes closed, I remembered to double the yeast.  Mixed and kneaded for 10 or so minutes (quite the work-out).

Now, as that sits in the fridge overnight... seemed weird but oh well, just following the recipe. I am making the apple part of the filling. It called for raisins but I decided to use craisins! Mmm! So, I'll finish that and then wake up tomorrow morning and put the loaf together and bake away. And then off to work and then to the Steady's  for Turkey Day!

So far, I must say that the recipe seems to misprinted in some places. Like, too much cinnamon and lemon and refrigerating the bread overnight to rise seems weird since yeast need heat and moisture. Oh well, it's my first time. I'm sure it will be delicious!

I really need to get this going!

I have been saying I need to do this forever but starting this week I will start baking more! Well, baking or cooking or what have you. I have so many treats that I want to try and these recipes are taking up too much room in my notebooks. Time to start cooking, experimenting, and filling up my recipe catalog!

Hmm. My first recipe will beeeeee......

I always find myself wishing.

I have so many ambitions.
Is that so wrong?
To create and be artistic is my number one priority.
Whether it's in fashion, cooking, baking, or some sort of craft.
Create a warm and friendly home.
Always filled with loved ones.

Searching for opportunities.
Use my degree.
Get an apprenticeship in the pastry world.

Do something, anything, and whatever will make me happy and feel like I have accomplished something worthwhile. 


So why do I feel like it's all impossible?