Wanting.

I dream of being happy. With whatever I do; I want to create. I miss my fashion production life. Moving on to culinary sometime feels like I'm betraying what I already know. I have and will always have a yearning to learn. I can't help it. There are so many things I want to do and be apart of. Fashion. Food. The world. I don't want to waste my time here. I want to look back at my twenties and be happy with what I did.

Creating. Making others happy. Making myself happy.

It makes my insides curl around each other and I feel like it could just pour out of me at any moment. Which it usually does... in the form of tears. Sometimes I feel like I will go nowhere but that would only be my own fault.

I need a plan.

Quick post while the filling bubbles away.

So, I decided to take my first culinary leap and bake a bread. An Apricot and Apple Braided Danish to be exact! Its a two dayer...

Today, I got all the ingredients and started to make the bread. Taking all the necessary percautions that the recipe tells me but I decided to double the recipe... and messed up. Whoops! Since its a bread, YEAST is a pretty important thing and guess what. On my first batch, I didn't add enough. So on take two, which I could practically do with my eyes closed, I remembered to double the yeast.  Mixed and kneaded for 10 or so minutes (quite the work-out).

Now, as that sits in the fridge overnight... seemed weird but oh well, just following the recipe. I am making the apple part of the filling. It called for raisins but I decided to use craisins! Mmm! So, I'll finish that and then wake up tomorrow morning and put the loaf together and bake away. And then off to work and then to the Steady's  for Turkey Day!

So far, I must say that the recipe seems to misprinted in some places. Like, too much cinnamon and lemon and refrigerating the bread overnight to rise seems weird since yeast need heat and moisture. Oh well, it's my first time. I'm sure it will be delicious!

I really need to get this going!

I have been saying I need to do this forever but starting this week I will start baking more! Well, baking or cooking or what have you. I have so many treats that I want to try and these recipes are taking up too much room in my notebooks. Time to start cooking, experimenting, and filling up my recipe catalog!

Hmm. My first recipe will beeeeee......

I always find myself wishing.

I have so many ambitions.
Is that so wrong?
To create and be artistic is my number one priority.
Whether it's in fashion, cooking, baking, or some sort of craft.
Create a warm and friendly home.
Always filled with loved ones.

Searching for opportunities.
Use my degree.
Get an apprenticeship in the pastry world.

Do something, anything, and whatever will make me happy and feel like I have accomplished something worthwhile. 


So why do I feel like it's all impossible?